Tiered Registry Mailer Disclaimer / Read Carefully:
ATTORNEY (AND THE PRONOUN "WE") SHALL REFER TO ATTORNEY JOE COIMBRA AND/OR HIS EMPLOYEES, AGENTS, INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS, VENDORS, AND/OR REPRESENTATIVES IN ANY CAPACITY WHATSOEVER AND/OR COLLECTIVELY "SECOND CHANCES LAW GROUP, APC". IF YOU CONTACT US VIA TEXT, STANDARD TEXT MESSAGE RATES MAY APPLY THROUGH YOUR PROVIDER AND/OR ANY OTHER ENTITY(IES). RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER IS BY NO MEANS AN ADVERSE REFLECTION ON THE PERSON RECEIVING IT. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY ON PROBATION. IT IS SIMPLY TO NOTIFY THE PERSON OF THE AVAILABILITY OF OUR CRIMINAL DEFENSE SERVICES IN THE AREAS NOTED ON THE FLYER (FOR ELIGIBLE PROSPECTIVE CLIENTS; ELIGIBILITY MUST BE DETERMINED (MORE BELOW)). "MAILER" AND "LETTER" AND "MAILER TO WHICH THIS DISCLAIMER CORRESPONDS" ARE USED INTERCHANGEABLY AND REFER TO THE MAILER CONTAINING THE PARTICULAR URL ADDRESS THAT LED YOU TO THIS WEBSITE, IN PARTICULAR, THIS DISCLAIMER WEB PAGE. SEVERABILITY CLAUSE: SHOULD ANY PARTICULAR PORTION, PROVISION AND/OR CLAUSE OF THIS DISCLAIMER BE FOUND TO BE UNENFORCEABLE, ANY AND ALL OTHER PORTIONS, PROVISIONS AND/OR CLAUSES SHALL REMAIN INTACT AND ENFORCEABLE.
WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS LETTER ARRIVING AT YOUR ADDRESS. YOU RECEIVED THIS LETTER ONLY BECAUSE PUBLICLY-AVAILABLE RECORDS SHOW THAT YOUR RESIDENCE, EITHER CURRENTLY OR AT SOME POINT IN THE RECENT OR DISTANT PAST, HOUSED A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER, ALSO KNOWN AS A 290 REGISTRANT. AGAIN, OUR LETTER IS MERELY, EXCLUSIVELY AND SIMPLY A STATEMENT OF THE AVAILABILITY OF OUR SERVICES, NOTHING MORE. IF IT DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU, PLEASE MERELY DISREGARD AND/OR POLITELY CONTACT OUR OFFICE SO THAT YOU MAY BE REMOVED FROM OUR MAILING LIST. RUDE AND/OR ABUSIVE COMMUNICATIONS WILL BE CAREFULLY DOCUMENTED AND ANY CRIMINAL THREATS AND/OR HARASSMENT WILL BE SWIFTLY REPORTED TO LAW ENFORCEMENT.
FREE CONSULATION WITH ATTORNEY IS IN-PERSON ONLY. HOWEVER, PRIOR THERETO, YOU WILL BE ASKED TO ANSWER A SERIES OF QUESTIONS BY OUR INTAKE PERSONNEL TO BETTER ASSIST IN OUR UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR CASE. YOUR APPOINTMENT, IF ANY IS MADE, WILL BE CANCELLED IF YOU FAIL TO COMPLY WITH THIS OVER-THE-PHONE INTAKE. NONE OF THE VERBIAGE, EXPRESSIONS, WORDS, PHRASES, INSIGNIA AND/OR CHARACTERS OF ANY KIND ARE IN AND OF THEMSELVES, OR IN THEIR COMBINED USE, INTENDED TO MISLEAD ANYONE NOR ESTABLISH ANY ATTORNEY-CLIENT RELATIONSHIP NOR IMPART ANY LEGAL ADVICE NOR ANY GUARANTEE, WARRANTY NOR PROMISE OF ANY PARTICULAR OUTCOME, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO A "POSITIVE" OUTCOME WHATSOEVER.
NO GUARANTEE, IMPLIED OR EXPRESS WARRANTY, PROMISE, ASSURANCE, AND/OR REPRESENTATION OF ANY PARTICULAR OUTCOME, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO A "POSITIVE" OR OTHER DESIRED OUTCOME, IS CONVEYED WHATSOEVER IN OUR LETTER (NOR IN ANY OTHER COMMUNICATION OR CONVEYANCE IN ANY FORMAT DISSEMINATED OR ESTABLISHED AT ANY TIME). NO ATTORNEY-CLIENT RELATIONSHIP IS ESTABLISHED BY YOUR RECEIPT OF OUR COMMUNICATION; IN FACT, A SEPARATE ATTORNEY-CLIENT AGREEMENT AND REMITTAL OF REMUNERATION TO ATTORNEY (IN AN AMOUNT SATISFACTORY TO ATTORNEY) ARE REQUIRED BEFORE ANY ATTORNEY-CLIENT RELATIONSHIP CAN OR MAY BE FORMED, CREATED, COMMENCED AND/OR ESTABLISHED.
THE WORD "URGENT" AS IN "URGENT LAW FIRM NEWSLETTER" APPEARS MERELY TO INDICATE THE URGENCY THAT ATTORNEY BELIEVES EXISTS WHENEVER CRIMINAL ACCUSATION(S), ALLEGATION(S), INVESTIGATION(S), CONVICTION(S), POST-CONVICTION BURDENS SUCH AS PROBATION (AND/OR ANY OTHER EVENT(S) AT ANY STAGE(S) OF ANY PROCESS RELATING TO CRIMINAL AND/OR PENAL CODE VIOLATION(S) AND/OR ANY OTHER VIOLATIONS OF LOCAL AND/OR STATE AND/OR FEDERAL CODE(S), LAW(S), REGULATION(S), RULE(S), STATUTE(S), ETC.) ARE INVOLVED CONSIDERING THE POTENTIAL HARSHNESS PENALTY/IES, PUNISHMENT(S), POSSIBLE INCARCERATION AND/OR IMPRISONMENT AND/OR LOSS OF FREEDOM AND/OR OTHER ADVERSE CONSEQUENCES ON CERTAIN RIGHTS AND/OR PRIVILEGES SUCH AS BUT NOT LIMITED TO INCARCERATION AND/OR IMPRISONMENT AND/OR PAROLE AND/OR PROBATION AND/OR VIOLATION OF PROBATION ASSOCIATED WITH A CRIMINAL ACCUSATION OR CONVICTION THAT DOES NOT GO ADDRESSED BY COMPETENT LEGAL COUNSEL; IN OTHER WORDS, ATTORNEY REASONABLY AND IN GOOD FAITH BELIEVES THAT ANY CRIMINAL MATTER IS, BY DEFINITION AND/OR IN EFFECT, AN URGENT SITUATION CONSIDERING THE RAPIDITY, VIGOR AND DISCIPLINE WITH WHICH LOCAL AND/OR STATE AND/OR FEDERAL LAW ENFORCEMENT PURSUE PROSECUTIONS, PROBATION VIOLATIONS AND OR ANY OTHER ADVERSE LAW ENFORCEMENT AND/OR PROSECUTORIAL ACTION, THUS NECESSITATING AN URGENT RESPONSE BY COMPETENT LEGAL COUNSEL. IN OTHER WORDS, NEGLECTING SUCH PROSPECTIVE AND/OR ACTUALIZED LEGAL EVENTS MAY BE CATASTROPHIC TO THE PERSON(S) WHO IS THE SUBJECT OF INVESTIGATION AND/OR ARREST AND/OR PROBATION VIOLATION AND/OR PROSECUTION. THEREFORE, IT IS AMPLY AND OBJECTIVELY FAIR TO LABEL ATTORNEY'S LETTER AN "URGENT LAW FIRM NEWSLETTER."
TO RECEIVE DISCOUNT, YOU MUST PRODUCE THIS LETTER (NO REPRODUCTIONS WILL BE ACCEPTED ). THE WORDS "DISCOUNT" AND "VOUCHER CODE" ARE INTERCHANGEABLE AND NOT SEPARATE AND DISTINCT. THE INVOCATION OF THE VOUCHER CODE IS INSUFFICIENT; LETTER RECEIVED BY RECIPIENT WITH ENVELOPE MUST BE PRODUCED TO ATTORNEY. DISCOUNTS CANNOT BE USED IN COMBINATION. ONE DISCOUNT PER CLIENT AND PER CASE ONLY. DISCOUNT USEABLE AGAINST THE ENTIRE FEE ONLY AND NOT TOWARDS THE DEPOSIT, MONTHLY INSTALLMENTS OR ANY OTHER FRAGMENTS OR FRACTIONS CONTAINED IN THE TOTAL FEE, NOR AGAINST ANY COST REIMBURSEMENTS. ATTORNEY IS NOT UNDER ANY OBLIGATION TO HONOR THE DISCOUNT, NOR VOUCHER CODE; ATTORNEY IS FREE TO SET ANY LIMITATION HE CHOOSES AT ANY TIME, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO REFUSAL TO HONOR ANY DISCOUNT OR VOUCHER CODE.
BY CONTACTING OUR OFFICE IN ANY WAY (EITHER YOURSELF OR ANY THIRD PARTY ACTING ON YOUR BEHALF WHATSOEVER), YOU AGREE TO FOLLOWING: BINDING ARBITRATION (IN LA COUNTY), WAIVER OF RIGHT TO JURY TRIAL, WAIVER OF CLASS ACTION LAWSUITS, WAIVER OF PRIVATE ATTORNEY-GENERAL ACTIONS AND/OR ANY OTHER PROCEEDING WHERE SOMEONE ACTS IN A REPRESENTATIVE CAPACITY, AND PAYMENT OF ATTORNEY'S FEES AND COSTS TO ATTORNEY IN EVENT OF DISPUTE ARISING FROM THIS OR ANY CORRESPONDENCE FROM OUR FIRM OR ANY SUBJECT MATTER WHATSOEVER AND CONSENT TO RECEIVING FUTURE COMMUNICATIONS FROM OUR OFFICE IN ANY FORMAT WHATSOEVER.
IF ANY ASPECT(S), TERM(S), CLAUSE(S), PROVISION(S), WORD(S), PHRASE(S), CONVEYANCE(S), ETC., WHATSOEVER ARE HELD TO BE UNENFORCEABLE UNDER APPLICABLE LAW, SUCH TERM WILL BE MODIFIED SO THAT IT IS ENFORCEABLE TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED UNDER APPLICABLE LAW, AND ALL THE OTHER TERMS OF THE AGREEMENT WILL REMAIN IN FULL FORCE AND EFFECT. IF THE UNENFORCEABLE ASPECT(S), TERM(S), CLAUSE(S), PROVISION(S), WORD(S), PHRASE(S), CONVEYANCE(S), ETC. IS DEEMED UNENFORCEABLE UNDER APPLICABLE LAW, SUCH ASPECT(S), TERM(S), CLAUSE(S), PROVISION(S), WORD(S), PHRASE(S), CONVEYANCE(S), ETC. WILL BE MODIFIED SO THAT IT IS ENFORCEABLE TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED UNDER APPLICABLE LAW, AND ALL THE OTHER TERMS OF THIS DISCLAIMER WILL REMAIN IN FULL FORCE AND EFFECT. IF THE UNENFORCEABLE ASPECT(S), TERM(S), CLAUSE(S), PROVISION(S), WORD(S), PHRASE(S), CONVEYANCE(S), ETC. CANNOT BE SO MODIFIED, SUCH ASPECT(S), TERM(S), CLAUSE(S), PROVISION(S), WORD(S), PHRASE(S), CONVEYANCE(S), ETC. WILL BE EXCLUDED FROM THIS DISCLAIMER AND ALL OTHER ASPECT(S), TERM(S), CLAUSE(S), PROVISION(S), WORD(S), PHRASE(S), CONVEYANCE(S), ETC. WILL REMAIN IN FULL FORCE AND EFFECT.
WE DO NOT REPRESENT THAT WE HAVE FULL-TIME FACILITY/IES IN YOUR SPECIFIC CITY, LOCALE OR PROXIMITY. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF OUR HEADQUARTERS, REGIONAL OFFICES, IF ANY AVAILABLE IN YOUR CITY, LOCALE OR PROXIMITY, ARE CONSULTATIVE ONLY AND ARE NOT FULL-TIME OCCUPANCIES (NEITHER DO WE REPRESENT EITHER IMPLICITLY OR EXPRESSLY THAT THEY ARE ANYTHING EXCEPT CONSULTATIVE FACILITIES, IF ANY); JUXTAPOSITION OF CITY AND 'LAW FIRM' AND/OR 'LAW OFFICE' AND/OR WORD(S) AND/OR PHRASE(S) OF SIMILAR IMPORT ON ENVELOPE IS SIMPLY MEANT TO ILLUSTRATE THE GENERAL AND POSSIBLE AVAILABILITY OF OUR SERVICES TO RESIDENTS AND/OR DOMICILIARIES AND/OR OCCUPANTS OF AND/OR PERSON(S) AND/OR ENTITY/IES WHO DO BUSINESS OR ARE EMPLOYED IN THE NAMED CITY/IES, INCLUDING CITY WHERE YOU LIVE, NOT TO CONVEY WE HAVE A FULL-TIME OR EVEN A PART-TIME OFFICE IN YOUR CITY, LOCALE OR PROXIMITY.
WE STRIVE FOR ACCURACY; ANY INACCURACY/IES IN THIS LETTER AND/OR IN ANY OF OUR PROMOTIONAL OR ANY MATERIAL(S) IN ANY FORMAT WHATSOEVER IS/ARE PURELY INADVERTENT. SERVICES ARE NOT FREE. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE A CONSULTATION TO ANYBODY FOR ANY REASON. ATTORNEY CONDUCTS BUSINESS IN ONLY THE VERY HIGHEST OF FAIR DEALINGS, INTEGRITY, TRUTHFULNESS AND HONESTY AND NOTHING IN THIS LETTER (NOR IN ANY OF OUR MATERIALS IN ANY FORMAT WHATSOEVER) IS INTENDED TO BE ANYTHING EXCEPT COMPLETELY TRUTHFUL, HONEST, UPRIGHT AND ETHICAL. WE ALSO RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SUMMARILY CANCEL ANY EXISTING APPOINTMENT AT ANY TIME. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT NOT TO RESPOND TO ANY COMMUNICATION CONVEYED TO ATTORNEY IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM AND FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER. ATTORNEY ALONE DECIDES SUBJECT MATTER, LENGTH AND CONTENT OF YOUR FREE CONSULTATION. NOTHING IN THIS LETTER ESTABLISHES ANY ATTORNEY-CLIENT RELATIONSHIP WHATSOEVER, NOR DOES IT CONVEY ANY LEGAL ADVICE NOR ANY GUARANTEE, IMPLIED OR EXPRESS WARRANTY, ASSURANCE, PROMISE AND/OR ELIGIBILITY FOR ANY PARTICULAR TYPE OF LEGAL RELIEF WHATSOEVER NOR ANY GUARANTEE, IMPLIED OR EXPRESS WARRANTY, ASSURANCE AND/OR PROMISE OF ANY POSITIVE, DESIRED OR PARTICULARIZED OUTCOME WHATSOEVER. NOTHING IN THIS LETTER (BE IT PROMOTIONAL VERBIAGE, PAST SUCCESS, TESTIMONIALS, AWARDS OR ANYTHING ELSE) IS MEANT TO IMPLICITLY OR EXPRESSLY CONVEY THAT WE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL WITH YOUR CASE. EACH CASE IS DIFFERENT; RESULTS MAY VARY. WE DO NOT REPRESENT YOUR "FREE CONSULTATION" IS ANYTHING EXCEPT A FREE, INITIAL IN-PERSON CONSULTATION WITH THE ATTORNEY.
"NO GLOSSY BROCHURES...JUST SAVINGS AND RESULTS! " IS MERELY TO INDICATE THAT WE DO, UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES, PROVIDE DISCOUNTS IF AND/OR WHEN ATTORNEY IS DISPOSED TO DO SO (WE OFFER NO GUARANTEE, PROMISE, ASSURANCE OR WARRANTY THAT YOU WILL GET "SAVINGS", WHICH IS A SUBJECTIVE TERM); MOREOVER, THE INCLUSION OF THE WORD "RESULTS" IS MERELY TO INDICATE THAT WE UNDERTAKE REASONABLE, GOOD-FAITH EFFORTS TO OBTAIN FAVORABLE RESULTS FOR OUR CLIENTS (IN OTHER WORDS, WE GENERALLY FUNCTION WITH FAVORABLE RESULTS IN MIND TO THE DEGREE SUCH A CONCEPT IS COMPATIBLE WITH DUTY OF LOYALTY AND COMPETENCY FOR OUR CLIENTS); HOWEVER, THE INCLUSION OF THE WORD "RESULTS" HERE OR IN ANY PLACEMENT OR LOCATION ON THIS OR ANY OTHER LITERATURE ON THIS OR ANY OTHER FORMAT FROM OUR OFFICE IS NOT THE CONVEYANCE OF ANY GUARANTEE, PROMISE, ASSURANCE OR WARRANTY THAT YOU WILL OBTAIN FAVORABLE RESULTS. IN FACT, IT BEARS REITERATION THAT NOTHING IN THIS LETTER CONVEYS ANY LEGAL ADVICE NOR ANY GUARANTEE, IMPLIED OR EXPRESS WARRANTY, ASSURANCE, PROMISE AND/OR ELIGIBILITY FOR ANY PARTICULAR TYPE OF LEGAL RELIEF WHATSOEVER NOR ANY GUARANTEE, IMPLIED OR EXPRESS WARRANTY, ASSURANCE AND/OR PROMISE OF ANY POSITIVE, DESIRED OR PARTICULARIZED OUTCOME WHATSOEVER AND THAT NOTHING IN THIS LETTER (BE IT PROMOTIONAL VERBIAGE, PAST SUCCESS, TESTIMONIALS, AWARDS OR ANYTHING ELSE) IS MEANT TO IMPLICITLY OR EXPRESSLY CONVEY THAT WE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL WITH YOUR CASE. EACH CASE IS DIFFERENT; RESULTS MAY VARY.
"DON'T BE MISLED BY WILD, FANTASTICAL CLAIMS ABOUT THE NEW TIERED REGISTRY LAW" ALLUDES TO A BROCHURE BELIEVED TO BE IN CIRCULATION BY ANOTHER ESTABLISHMENT (OTHER THAN Second Chances Law Group) ABOUT WHICH ATTORNEY HARBORS A SINCERE AND REASONABLE GOOD FAITH BELIEF CONTAINS LESS-THAN-ACCURATE INFORMATION ABOUT SENATE BILL 384. "SB384 IS ENORMOUSLY COMPLEX" IS A STATEMENT RESULTING FROM ATTORNEY'S SINCERE AND REASONABLE GOOD FAITH BELIEF THAT SB384 IS LABYRINTHINE IN ITS LANGUAGE AND REQUIRES TRAINED LEGAL ANALYSIS BY EXPERIENCED CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS TO INTERPRET AND APPLY TO ANY PARTICULAR FACT PATTERN OR SET OF FACTS. ATTORNEY HARBORS A SINCERE AND REASONABLE GOOD FAITH BELIEF THAT HE IS POSSESSED OF SUCH A TRAINED MIND ON ACCOUNT OF HIS MANY YEARS OF CRIMINAL DEFENSE EXPERIENCE, PARTICULARLY REPRESENTING REGISTERED SEX OFFENDERS (AND PERSONS AGAINST WHOM SEX CRIME ALLEGATIONS HAVE BEEN LEVIED) IN A VARIETY OF LEGAL MATTERS. "WE KNOW THE TRUE INS & OUT OF THE NEW TIERED REGISTRY LAW" IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A STATEMENT OF ANY EXCLUSIVE OR INSIDER KNOWLEDGE WHATSOEVER BUT, MERELY, A STATEMENT THAT ATTORNEY HAS CAREFULLY, METHODICALLY, DELIBERATELY AND ASSISDUOUSLY STUDIED THE TIERED REGISTRY BILL KNOWN AS SB384 (AVAILABLE ON THE CALIFORNIA STATE LEGISLATURE'S WEBSITE) AND, THEREFORE, IS REASONABLY CONVERSANT IN THE MECHANICS OF THE LAW, I.E., WHETHER SOMEONE WILL OR WILL NOT BE PROSPECTIVELY ELIGIBLE TO PETITION FOR A TIERED REDUCTION AND/OR LEGAL RELIEF UNDER THE TIERED REGISTRY BILL KNOWN AS SB384. THE ADVERB OR MODIFYING WORD "NEW" IS MERELY INTENDED TO DENOTE THAT, AT OR ABOUT THE PREPARATION OF SAID FLYER, IN OR ABOUT APRIL 2018, THE SIGNAGE OF SB384 INTO LAW BY GOVERNOR BROWN ON OR ABOUT OCTOBER 6, 2017 IS RELATIVELY NEW; THE INCLUSION OF THIS MODIFYING WORD IS NOT INTENDED TO DENOTE THAT THE TIERED REGISTRY LAW WAS PASSED IMMEDIATELY BEFORE RECIPIENT'S RECEIPT OF THE MAILER TO WHICH THIS DISCLAIMER CORRESPONDS. "NEW" IS INCLUDED AS A SUBJECTIVE TERM ONLY AND, BY THE TIME THE RECIPIENT OF THE MAILER TO WHICH THIS DISCLAIMER CORRESPONDS, REASONABLE MINDS MAY DISAGREE THAT THE TIERED REGISTRY LAW IS ANY LONGER "NEW"; ATTORNEY'S INCLUSION OF THIS MODIFYING WORD IS DONE SO IN GOOD FAITH ONLY. IN FACT, THE WORD "NEW" IS ONLY INTENDED AS A VERY LOOSE AND IMPRECISE APPROXIMATION AND IS NOT INTENDED TO DENOTE A SPECIFIC TIME PERIOD, FRAME, EPOCH OR OTHER CLEARLY DEFINABLE MEASURE OF TIME WHATSOEVER, PARTICULARLY IN RELATION TO WHEN YOU RECEIVED AND/OR ARE READING AND/OR PERUSING AND/OR REVIEWING THE LETTER FOR THE FIRST TIME.
"LEARN THE TRUTH AT NO COST TO YOU" IS NOT INTENDED TO CONVEY ANY PROMISE, WARRANTY, GUARANTEE OR ASSURANCE WHATSOEVER THAT THE RECIPIENT IS ABSOLUTELY ELIGIBLE OR NOT ELIGIBLE UNDER THE NEW LAW. EVEN AFTER A DETAILED ANALYSIS AND CONTEMPLATION OF A PARTICULAR RECIPIENT'S ELIGIBILITY, A VARIETY OF FACTORS MAY STILL PRECLUDE ELIGIBILITY, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY MODIFICATIONS AND/OR REVISIONS OF THE TIERED REGISTRY LAW (SB384) WHICH HAVE NOT YET OCCURRED AND WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT OCCUR AT SOME FUTURE TIME. THE "TRUTH" IS NOT UTILIZED IN ABSOLUTE TERMS WHATSOEVER BUT IS MERELY INCLUDED TO DENOTE THAT ATTORNEY MAY BE ABLE TO MAKE A DETERMINATION OF ELIGIBILITY BY APPLICATION OF THE LAW TO A RECIPIENT'S PARTICULAR SET OF FACTS UPON A DETAILED ANALYSIS COMMUNICATED IN PERSON AND NO SOONER; AGAIN IT BEARS REITERATION THAT NOTHING IN THIS LETTER CONVEYS ANY LEGAL ADVICE NOR ANY GUARANTEE, IMPLIED OR EXPRESS WARRANTY, ASSURANCE, PROMISE AND/OR ELIGIBILITY FOR ANY PARTICULAR TYPE OF LEGAL RELIEF WHATSOEVER NOR ANY GUARANTEE, IMPLIED OR EXPRESS WARRANTY, ASSURANCE AND/OR PROMISE OF ANY POSITIVE, DESIRED OR PARTICULARIZED OUTCOME WHATSOEVER AND THAT NOTHING IN THIS LETTER (BE IT PROMOTIONAL VERBIAGE, PAST SUCCESS, TESTIMONIALS, AWARDS OR ANYTHING ELSE) IS MEANT TO IMPLICITLY OR EXPRESSLY CONVEY THAT WE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL WITH YOUR CASE. EACH CASE IS DIFFERENT; RESULTS MAY VARY.
"SCHEDULE YOUR FREE-IN PERSON CONSULT WITH AWARD-WINNING COUNSEL" IS INCLUDED MERELY TO DENOTE THAT WE OFFER, UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES, A FREE, IN-PERSON CONSULTATION TO CERTAIN CALLERS; BY NO MEANS DO WE ISSUE ANY GUARANTEE, WARRANTY, PROMISE OR ASSURANCE THAT YOU WILL RECEIVE A FREE, IN-PERSON CONSULTATION; A VARIETY OF FACTORS MAY PRECLUDE YOU FROM RECEIVING A CONSULTATION, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO BEHAVIOR ON THE PHONE THAT REFLECTS IMPOLITENESS, RUDENESS, ARROGANCE, AND/OR ABRASIVENESS; IN FACT, ATTORNEY RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DECLINE A FREE, IN-PERSON CONSULTATION TO ANYBODY HE WISHES AND FOR ANY REASON.
"VIEW OUR AMAZING CASE RESULTS" IS BY NO MEANS ANY EXPRESSION OF A GUARANTEE, WARRANTY OF ANY COMPARABLE RESULT IN YOUR PARTICULAR CASE. "AMAZING" IS A FIGURATIVE AND SUBJECTIVE STATEMENT OF OPINION ONLY AND IS NOT MEANT TO CONVEY ANY PROMISE, WARRANTY OR GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL OBTAIN A COMPARABLE OR SIMILAR RESULT, ESPECIALLY GIVEN THAT EACH CASE AND ITS ATTENDANT FACTS, COMPLEXITIES AND AVAILABLE REMEDIES CARRY ITS OWN VASTLY UNIQUE, DISTINCT COMPONENTS, REMEDIES, VARIABLES, FACTORS, NUANCES, SUBTLETIES, IDIOSYNRACIES, FACTUAL BACKGROUNDS, FACT PATTERNS, ETC. "TRUSTED" BADGE MERELY DENOTES ATTORNEY'S PERSONAL BELIEF THAT HE IS AN HONEST, ETHICAL AND MORALLY- AND LEGALLY-UPRIGHT IN ALL OF HIS PERSONAL AND BUSINESS DEALINGS, CUSTOMS, HABITS, AND INTERACTIONS WITH HIS CLIENTS AND MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC AND GENERAL BELIEF IN HIS OWN TRUSTWORTHINESS; IT DOES NOT DENOTE ANY OBJECTIVE, THIRD-PARTY OFFICIAL COMMENDATION, LABEL OR DESIGNATION GRANTED UPON HIM BY ANY ORGANIZATION, INDIVIDUAL OR ENTITY PER SE.